Surrender

Surrender

To feel the sway upon your hips

To be the drop that leaves your lips

To trace your curves

To split your seams,

To be the flesh that fills your dreams.

To dive into your deepest part

And break the glass around your heart,

To swim your secrets one by one

To catch you as you come undone.

To feel my hands as they dig in

Beneath the fabric of your skin,

To fight daybreak's impending gloom

To cast love-shadows in your room.

To consume your will

To steal your breath

To lead you to your little death,

To put your fears upon the shelf

To close your eyes

And lose yourself.

Footsteps (poem)

                                             here


Footsteps



Lullabyes and midnight cries
Your tiny fingers wrapped in theirs,
Big eyes that see a perfect world
Free of fears and cares.

Playpens, cribs and plastic bibs
Mommy at your beckon call,
Constant service, daddy's nervous
Are they ready for it all?

First smile, first laugh, first words and steps
Crayons, books and blocks,
Pee-pee dance in training pants
Cupboards with child-proof locks.

Climbing trees and scraping knees
A world of endless wonder,
Ask mommy why the sky is blue
And what makes rain and thunder.

Soon grade-school books and awkward looks
Bring crushes, broken hearts and then,
A high school dance, chance for romance
And love finds you again.

Praying, hoping, back seat groping
Finally leaving home,
She wears your shirts, toothbrush on your sink,
A pillow next to your own.

Next years bring a wedding ring
And with a new heartbeat your family grows,
The love of your life about to give you another
More beautiful each day as she shows.

Find yourselves in a hospital room
Holding her hand, words loving and warm,
The pain and the tears fulfill a dream held for years
As this precious creation is born.

Lullabyes and midnight cries
Mommy at her beckon call,
Constant service and you're both nervous...

Are you ready for it all?

On Paper Wings

One day perhaps
I’ll write all my secrets down
On sepia paper,
Fold them into an airplane
And set them free off the coast of Spain.
Or France.
No who am I kidding,
It would have to be Australia.

Always Australia.

My hopes, dreams and fears
Would be carried
Upon these fragile wings
Every crease a soul I’ve met,
Some buried deeper within the page
Than others.
To whomever finds it,
You’ll be in there somewhere.

Maybe I’ll write
All these secrets as a song
With no particular melody,
Just verse.
And if by chance
This song
Finds its way to you
Unfold it carefully
And sing me.

The Distance (lyrics)

The Distance



Staring out the window
Grasping at the sunlight fading away
Another day is ending
Spent pretending
That we're okay.

This dark room just echoes with the
Distance between us.
Midnight's voices taunt us,
Memories haunt us
Just like children on the wind.

Let me drift off to sleep
So I can dream you back at my side.
We can't hide ourselves from it
Or overcome it
No matter how hard we've tried.
And this emptiness consumes me
Wrapped in bedsheets where we played,
There's no easy way of living
In this unforgiving prison
That we've made.

Rain upon my window go away,
Don’t want you storming in my eyes another day.
We've tried to stand strong
But we’re shadows on the wall,
‘Cause we’ve said all there’s to say
But we’ve still said nothing at all.

I'd hold my breath and stop time
Just to trace my fingertips in your hand.
There's too much pain in regret
And all the lies we've buried deep in the sand.
We finally opened up our eyes
But we paid too great a cost,
Another night to fight through
Right 'til morning's light reminds us
What we've lost.

And the rain keeps on falling..

Rain upon my window go away,
Don’t want you storming in my eyes another day.
We try to stand strong
But we’re shadows on the wall,
‘Cause when it's all said and done
We’ve still said nothing...

Rain upon my window go away,
(endless rain keeps falling)
Don’t want you in my eyes another day.
(you won't hear me calling)
Though we've tried to stand strong
We’re just shadows on the wall,
Cause when all's said and done
We’ve still said nothing at all.
We’ve still said nothing at all.
Still said nothing at all.

And words can't bridge the distance.

Rebecca Lynn

My first country song...


   Rebecca Lynn


Ole moon shining brightly
Creeping silent through your window,
Casts shadows on your body
As you lie beside your man,

Mind wanders back to eighteen
When things were free and easy,
Never wanted to be alone
Now you wonder if you can.

And the sun sets on the county
Busy day is lost to mem’ry
But the fireflies that light the skies
Will help you find your way,

A heart that beats in lifetimes
Just breathes to love somebody
The wind will whisper out your name
See you through another day.

‘Ole moon shining brightly
Dancing low upon the treetops
Paints shadows on the porch swing
Where you rocked your baby boy,

Were just a young girl that day
When you found you’d have a family
Singing Kenny Loggins
To the one who brought you joy.

And the sun’s set on the county
Your girl’s smile shinin’ like diamonds
The fireflies that fill her eyes
Let you know you’re not alone,

A heart that beats in lifetimes
Just breathes to love somebody
With tiny hand held tight in yours
She’ll always find her way back home.

‘Ole moon shining brightly
Creeping silent through your window,
Casts shadows on your body
As you lie beside your man…

A New Blog Is Born

After turning this blog back into strictly an archive of my writing I've been able to reallocate time into a new, additional site. The Secret Garden is a place where I'm finally able to feature racier subjects that I've been wanting to cover for a while.

The new site is adult-oriented, so if you're a younger reader please exercise discretion. Topics covered will be secrets, fantasies and stories (real or fictional, no doubt with a heavy sprinkling of erotica). I'm also looking for submissions about anything you're going through that you'd like people to understand (eating disorders, addictions, depression etc.).

There will be very little held back at The Secret Garden, plenty of text and photos to get your mind and heart racing (I have a good idea of what works for many of you). I hope you'll consider following me there and remember, anything you choose to submit will be kept 100% anonymous. Any of you who know me well enough realize how much I value trust and privacy.



See you there!

Changes to This Blog- Please Read

Hey everyone, I hope you had am amazing New Year!!  We sure did.

I've been thinking about this for a while and I'm going to make some changes to this blog. Initially I had intended it to be an archive of sorts, a place to present my writing (poetry, short stories etc), and I really want to get back to that.  So in the next short while I'm going to remove some things, mostly secret Fridays and Sundays, and probably the posts where I've talked a bit about myself. Any secrets you've shared over the year have been preserved in the year-end compilations, I could never erase them.

Whatever I remove can still be found on my other blog, Life In Quotations (link here).  Since I'll only be posting new pieces of writing I'll be here less often, if you're okay with this then stay tuned. But if you want to keep up with me and what's happening in my life then please follow me on my other blog. I'd hate to lose any of you. :)

Thanks for a great year, I'm looking forward to another one.

Some Hearts (poem)

I came across this poem tonight as I was sifting through some of my older work. I wrote it when I was twenty-one after a break-up; amazing the emotions that being dumped can pull out of you isn't it?

  I'll be featuring more of my writing from this time in my life in upcoming posts.

Some Hearts

Some nights are better spent alone

Some lives best lived apart

Some hearts are better left untouched;

Their flames burn brightest at the start.

Some questions are better left unanswered

Some feelings never chanced

Some tears are better left unshed

Some dances never danced.

Some walls are better left unbroken

Some love best left ungiven,

Because when all that we think

And feel has been spoken

Some hearts aren’t always forgiven.

Graphic by lucaszoltowski 2008-2010 .  Photo credit here.

"Unforgettable" (erotica)

Your body bare and wonderful before me
Writhing exquisitely upon your lover,
Hips firm and straddled
As you slowly make love.

Room dim, the music pumps emphatically
Still you sway to your own rhythm.
Aware of my presence,
Yet oblivious
Blissfully accepting of my gaze.

Long hair cascades over your brow
Partially concealing your face,
But none of your pleasure.
Casting a sideways glance
You look deeply into me,
And at this moment we're no longer strangers.

I sweep the dark mane aside
To see the story in your eyes
Bursts of light that dance within
Fade in the sunset of your eyelids
As he moves within you.
My God you're beautiful.

You take my hand in yours
And place it on the smooth orb of your bottom
I seek out every inch of you here,
Your back, your shoulders.
Muscles tighten and release in response
As you move beneath my touch,
And upon his.

Raising yourself slightly
You silently invite me to explore the nearest breast.
I knead it, soft and warm beneath my fingers.
My arousal mounts.

Everything surrounding melts away
Leaving only our bodies, our desire.
Yet seemingly as soon as it began it's over.


Days have passed as mere seconds
And I play you continuously in my mind
Forever captivated
By this vision of you.

Footprints

  My life was touched by another today. A broken soul, lost in darkness. Yet I saw so much more; determination, passion, hope. Amazing isn’t it, how we can be surrounded by caring hearts yet sometimes feel so alone. But can we ever truly be broken, if still holding hope that tomorrow may bring with it even the slightest chance of healing?

  The intense emotion of these internal battles, with angels and demons pit against one another is unsettling, yet exhilarating. Emotions of others wash over me as water over rock, and if in so doing they erode me they also polish and refine my edges. The tide of despondence is almost relentless, yet every wave brings with it for me a new experience, a new piece of life. With this too comes guilt for taking interest in the pain of others, but paradoxically allows greater understanding and ultimately strength to walk beside them. The darkness is captivating. I’m drawn not because I wish to see it consume, but because it’s so often accompanied by light. This I’ve found unwavering. As much as we may feel so, none of us truly will find contentment forever bathed in shadows.

  We don’t stand alone uninfluenced or unaffecting; every breath we take, every single heartbeat echoes in another. Each word we speak affects someone. We wear our conversations like clothes, wrapping ourselves in compassionate words, eager to keep warm and safe. If scornful they hang off us like tattered rags.

  Every woman, each man and child influences us through their presence. We give and take of ourselves as much in passing on the sidewalk as through constant interaction. Why must we feel we walk the earth weightless without leaving imprints behind? Our footprints are not always visible to our eye but they are there, and they are followed. They’re ours to make deep so that others may have a solid footing.

  My life was touched by another today. And through the manic deluge of emotion and uncertainty she allowed a glimpse of light, interspersed amongst the heaviness of her words. And I felt strangely comforted. Because where light glimmers, hope glimmers in anticipation.

Photo credit http://www.faqs.org/photo-dict/phrase/883/footprints.html

The Unpublished Poem ("Love Story")

I didn’t think I’d ever get the chance to post this. It’s the first and only poem I’ve ever written for somebody to give to someone else. I’ll give you the background behind it.

I first began blogging in March of last year, and very shortly afterwards stumbled across the blog of a young woman in Australia. The way she wrote about her boyfriend was charming and completely captivated me. It was innocent, and honest, and passionate, and everything it should be. We started corresponding and soon became good friends. Several months later she revealed that she was much younger than I had thought, and that she had been writing under a pen name to protect her privacy. I thought it was a smart decision. Telling me was a huge step for her, she was afraid she’d lose my friendship. She didn’t.

In the following months she experienced an extremely traumatic event in her life which she confided in me, we were able to talk through it and it strengthened our relationship. (She and Sandy traded a few e-mails as well). She became not only a friend but I felt as protective of her as someone would their own daughter. It became an incredible relationship.

We don’t talk as often as we used to but are still in touch. It’s been an amazing thing to watch her grow through this part of her life, to see her learn from her experiences good and bad. She’s a fighter and has moved on, and although the relationship I wrote the poem about has since ended she’s found another who treats her well. Makes me very happy.

Most lines in the poem refer specifically to their relationship. She loved the Taylor Swift song it's named after. He always got down on one knee and proposed marriage, and she always accepted (“So come to me on bended knee”). He was her ‘prince’, she was his ‘Juliet’. Said he made love like a tiger, hence “tiger skin”. And so on.

So here it is. One chapter in a young woman's life whose book has just begun.

Love Story

So come to me on bended knee,

And calm my insecurity.

We'll lay beneath the Aussie skies,

Fight the dark and greet sunrise.

With stained-glass rays to warm our face

We'll run each day's uncertain race.

Love's moments spent near or apart

With you forever in my heart.

On crashing beach and windswept plain,

Through winter's chill or summer's rain,

We'll act like fools for all to see

Or be content to simply be.

Stolen nights entwined as one

When passion's dance has just begun,

Your deep blue eyes and 'tiger' skin
With every breath I'll breathe you in.

Then hand-in-hand we'll face the day,

Climb obstacles that come our way

And thank the day that we both met

My shining Prince.

Your Juliet.

S., thanks for agreeing to have this published. Our friendship means more to me than I can say.

Timeless (poem)

Timeless


Tears on your window from saddened skies
Seek quiet refuge in your eyes,
As lanterns filled with fireflies
Bring light this dreary day denies.

No longer gripped in passion's throes
Wondering where the rapture goes,
Mind drifts to misty long agos
When romance lived beyond the rose.

I'll sing you tales of maidens fair
With strands of sunlight in their hair,
Forever bathed in golden rays
Warmed by summer's yesterdays.

Playfully chased through billowed field
Each feigned protest artfully revealed,
With chivalrous advance their fate lay sealed
And love's sweet innocence sworn to yield.

It's grandeur of these days you seek
Forever's tears upon your cheek,
Flames rage within your wild heart still
Though tightly grasped in winter's chill.

As shadows play rest heavy eyes
Lost in Gothic lullabies,
Where longing for what's lost subsides
And your knight in shining armour rides.

~Barry O'Shea





Photo credit here. Ice Maiden by ChrisseCool.  2007-2010.

Adrift

For someone who had courage to unfurl her sails.



Adrift



The heart is a ship.
Moored safely in port
It encounters neither danger nor adventure,
Biding time until sun awakens over clear waters.
With bearings plotted it embarks,
Certain of the course to be taken.
But storms lurk
On horizons yet uncharted,
Seas will swell
And toss this frail craft about.

Point your sails into a wind
That steers around the storm,
The brightest star
Calling from darkened skies
Will cast its light upon your bow
To show the way.

And when the winds have died
And your heart is left adrift
A friend will fill your sails
And guide the rest of the way
Until your safe return
To harbour.




Photo credit.

Solitude

"Don’t knock on my door
And you won’t know I've shut you out,
Don’t call me
And you won’t know I'm ignoring you.
Let me deal with this
In my own way
Like I always do.



Alone.




Maybe these things
I keep bottled inside
Will somehow dissipate on their own,
Like carbonation
Fading over time.
It hasn’t happened yet
After all these years.
Maybe this time will be different."


So...how's this working for you so far?

Photo credit here.

Lost

                                       
  For Agata, who has always inspired me with words such as these.


Lost


His touch like summer upon your skin
No place you’d rather be,
Waken in dawn’s early light
To find it’s all a memory.

Did he call you baby
Write your name deep in the sand,
Explain the things you never knew
Or didn’t understand.
Did he chase away the lurking ghosts
Of lovers from another day
As you surrendered to him completely
And got carried away.

Was he just another shadowed hope
Or The One dressed in disguise,
Among the incidents and accidents
You got tripped up in his lies.
Did he call you his sweet darlin’
While he looked into your eyes
As each and every heart beat
Echoed his goodbyes.
Just what is it makes a man
Turn his back I cannot say,
You got lost on his horizon
And were carried away,
Just carried away.

And the days roll by like freight trains
Speeding down a wrong way track
Try to still the memories in your head
But there ain’t no turning back.
All along you somehow knew
You’d breathe for yourself one day.
Swept up like debris caught in his tide
As you got carried away,
Carried away.

Now you stand on higher ground
In a place where you belong,
Took some time to find yourself
But you were with you all along.
All the love you hold inside
Someone will see one day,
Then I’ll watch the words fall off your page
That you‘ve been carried away.

I’ll sit upon that shore again
And watch you carried away.

Darkness

Darkness


Until that night I dared follow
When you thought me not around,
To the shadowed place where you retreat
To play within your darkness.

Silent through midnight’s blue,
Night fell cool upon your breast
Nightgown clinging, hair blown by untamed gale.

Rage of frail curtains blown tattered upon your window,
Tossed asunder.

And I, your eyes averted,
Silently mirrored your descent down spiral stairs.
Brushing aside cobwebbed memories
With each cautious step.

You asked aloud for someone there,
No one answered but the night.
And within your windblown heart
I wonder if you remembered
That I once swept through there too.

Daybreak peered through gaping floorboards.
And huddled in a corner,
Knees pulled to chest
You did not stir.
Nothing but to hold silent vigil
Until you were ready
To face the light again.

If I close my eyes
Will you take me to your hiding place
Where you mend pieces of your shattered past,
In those quietest of hours
Lit by memories of brighter days
And a more hopeful tomorrow?




Photo credit here.

Mindscape

How to not think you a poem,
When your words give rhyme to uncertainties?
How to not think you a song,
When you harmoniously resonate through the mind?
How to not think you a bird,
When you fly unencumbered by life's gravity?
How to not think you nature's fury,
When like a gale you stir the soul?

How to not think you?

 
 
 
Photo credit here

Reflecting

You were my 'first', my best. I never knew unconditional love until you came along. I shared all my deepest secrets, you never told anyone. You listened when I was upset, never once interrupted and kept the same knowing smile on your face always. We shared my bed every night and snuggled close through the best and worst days. You kept me warm and comforted, and always loved me back.

Every day was fun. We knew it couldn't last, that the world wasn't made for us to be together long. And when the day came that I had to let you go, cast you aside, I think you knew why. You came into my life for a reason and were a huge part of who I became. And although we've long since parted, please always remember.
You were the best teddy bear a boy could ever ask for.

I've heard some intense things this past week, so my mind's taking a break here for a while. We all lose our innocence in life, some lost it too soon. This is for you.

If

If you want to make a difference don't move mountains, move people.



Photo credit here .

The Music Man

I hope this doesn't bum you guys out too much, but I've been going through some of my older writing (back to Grade One actually) and came across this piece.

When I was younger a friend of our family passed away from cancer. I didn't know him extremely well, that is to say I don't remember a lot about him now except he was taken too soon, as always seems the case.

Peter was a gentle family man, a musician who loved to sing and play guitar with his band. I wrote this a week before my 22nd birthday; it was really for his entire family but inspired by the emptiness I saw in his young daughter's eyes. I've always found writing to be therapeutic; I guess I wrote this to help me deal with seeing her like that, which if I'm honest upset me even more than his passing.


The Music Man

The music man appears on stage
The song begins to play,
The night burns on, each note each page
We know he's here to stay.

The people seemed happy for the chance
To watch him for a while
I felt his warmth shine as I danced
And saw it in his smile.

But tonight the stage is silent
The singer's now at rest,
There was one song yet to be played
And God made His request.

And now your eyes seem lifeless
As I look at you through mine,
A deep and dark cold emptiness
But a little light still shines.

For though he gave you love in life
And taught you how to care,
He brought some of the love you learned
To hold onto up there.

I still can hear his music;
In his music was his heart.
So if you can think of him and sing
You'll never be apart.

And though I know he left too soon
Please be strong my friend,
Because however beautiful the tune
Every song must end.




God Bless, Peter.



   

Photo credit here